Smile
…the day is so much brighter when you do!Life
Some days life overwhelms me with the overload of thoughts, responsibilities, and needs. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how to do it all. I am immobilized from the start. And it sucks the life out of me.
So much to say.
So much to do.
Just not enough time.
Rest
McKeown states, “One of the consequences of sin is loss of rest” (Genesis, p. 360).
Do we see this today?
We live in a country that never seems to rest. We have 24-hour open Walmarts and McDonalds and most stores open throughout Sunday.
When does America rest?
How does rest affect our relationship with God?
What is rest?
I love weekends. I love that life stops. In the dorms things finally get quiet. I get to be alone. I get to do homework. Yes, I am one of those weird students that love to learn. I love being alone in a room, with a textbook, and lots of time to think and reflect. That becomes rest. That down time is restful. When I went on a missions trip to NYC I met a Jewish girl! I wish we got more of those. She told me how on Sunday her and her husband do absolutely no-work (some more devoted don’t even watch TV).
What would our life look like if we had one whole day where we did nothing?
Is that what rest looks like or is having a relaxed weekend full of good homework good enough?
Identity
“Most of us can identify with the intoxicating feeling that comes when we are the center of attention. Solitude is a discipline that gets behind those feelings to who we are when we feel invisible and unrecognized. Who are we when productivity and recognition fall away and God is the only one watching us? Some of us simply seem to lose our sense of self when there is no one to mirror back who we are. Without the oxigen of doing and the mirror of approval, our feelings of being real and important evaporate. Hollow places open up in our heart, and our soul feels empty and bare. We can feel agitated, scattered, and distracted. These disconcerting feelings do two things for us. They reveal how much of our identity is embedded in a false sense of self. And they show us how easy it is to avoid solitude because we dislike being unproductive and unapplauded.
But we need solitude if we intend to unmask the false self and its important-looking image. Alone, without distractions, we put ourselves in a place where God can reveal things to us that we might not notice in the normal preoccupations of life. Solitude opens a space where we can bring our empty and compulsive selves to God. And no matter how well we ‘do’ silence, God is there to accept, receive, and love us. In solitude we see how little we embrace our true identity in Christ. And we find the truth of who we are in Christ. We are the beloved, and God is pleased with us. This identity is given; it is not earned. Many other voices pull at us, seeking to own and name us, but in solitude we learn what it is to distinguish between the voice of God and the voices of the world.”
-Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, p. 113.
Conversion
Before Constantine, when Christianity was a proscribed religion, conversion to the faith involved a costly choice. Basically, the church was a community that defined itself against a hostile world. We learn from Justin Martyr that before being admitted to baptism one must meet three basic criteria: sorrow for sin, faith in the church as the teacher of truth, and transformation of life. Before becoming a catechumen, a candidate had to be examined. The testimony of the one who brought him or her to the faith required. Those who did not abandon questionable occupations, such as pimps, sculptors or painters who made idols, gladiators, those wanting to become soldiers, casters of spells, astrologers and soothsayers, were to be rejected. Once accepted, catechumens were expected to hear the Word up to three years. The length time was flexible; what was important was their progress in the Christian life. For those “chosen” for baptism, more “scrunities” were carried out nearer the time of baptism. The gospel would be taught to them, they had to undergo fasting, and exorcism were performed on them by the bishop.
(all the above information comes from Liturgical Theology by Simon Chan- a book I’m reading for class)
I wish I could write out the whole chapter. There is so much that followed the Peace of Constantine in 313. The process a person went through in order to prove conversion was so lengthy and tedious. Today, one person preaches the gospel and asks those listening to raise their hands if they accept Jesus, we pray with and for them, and rejoice in their new found Christianity.
I know both are extremes. But I guess I don’t understand. If a person is to be scrutinized and put through a process, why stop at three years? Why tell them: Good job, you’ve arrived. When in all reality they haven’t! None of us have.
But at the same time Christ demands our all. Total transformation. Daily. We need the process. We need the guidance and direction from those several steps ahead. Conversion cannot be as easy as we make it today. We must work to earn the name: Christian.
Have I gained the right to claim that precious glorious name for myself?
Journaling
A friend and I have been reading our journals to each other lately. I love it. I love sharing thoughts and just sharing life. It’s nice to look back at the different things we’ve struggled with, are ashamed of, found joy in, have hoped for, and most of all the amazing God we’ve trusted!
I haven’t written in my journal since this summer.
I should write soon.
That would be nice.
Healing Service
For one of my classes my professor told us that instead of class, for those who wanted, there would be a healing service and we could be part of the prayer team. I decided to go.
We met at a Catholic school in the gym. The speaker was a priest from New Zealand. He didn’t really preach, but more just shared different accounts of people that have been healed this past year. He had them row by row come and he said a short prayer for each person and then they were free to come to us in the back. We were in different groups spread out around the gym. So one by one people would come into our group of 5 and they would tell us what they needed prayer for. And we would pray for them, sometimes all at once (like a chorus of prayers) and sometimes one person was heard over the rest. Our professor encouraged us to listen to the Spirit and be directed into praying for specific things. And he also emphasized that when Jesus walked around and saw the sick, he was moved by compassion. So encouraged that we too have compassion on the people we pray for.
It wasn’t a huge service. But a good amount of people were there. At first I kept thinking about a conversation I had with my roommate, how when Jesus healed it was a matter of life and death. He gave sight to a blind man, mobility to a paralyzed, healing to a bleeding woman of 12 years. They went from darkness to light. And here we are in a rich country, we are so stuck on comfort. The minute a problem occurs we want God to fix it, take it away. We want it easy. So when people first came I was so distracted by thoughts. I’m ashamed to say I wondered, “Do you deserve this? Why do you need this? Why can’t you learn to be strong? Why do you want it all to be easy?” I had no compassion. Just judgment. And I looked over to the guy next to me. A grad student, late 20ies. And he was crying. He cried with every person that came. And his prayers were so powerful. He loved the people. I felt so disconnected. I didn’t even know if I wanted them to be healed. I’d rather them grow in difficulty then slack in comfort.
Who am I? WHO AM I to think such things?!?
But how is God going to heal someone I don’t even want to get healed? I’m ok with sickness. But then again I have never really experienced it myself. I don’t get sick easily. And when people in my family do..I don’t ever really empathize. Sometimes I just don’t want to. I avoid it. As the night went I just kept praying. Even though my mind was not in the right place, my heart wanted to pray for them. And with each person I thought less and just prayed. And with each time I wanted it more. When we got back on campus, Rachel and I were in Mary’s room. A girl from my floor came and shared how she was almost over a cold. Rachel joked about praying for her and I shot up and was like, let’s do it! So we just hugged Katie and prayed for her. Then we went into her room and prayed for her sick roommate, then we went back and prayed for Mary…she’s not even sick! We just wanted to so much! I wanted to pray for more people!!
Why is my stupid head SO analytical. Why do I keep myself from feeling compassion? But what do I do with the fact that I don’t want people to get healed? I want more for them!! I want their hearts in tune with God, their hope, trust, joy to be in Him! Healing is not the end…God is. But who I am to judge that healing will not take them to that place?
I don’t know.
If nothing else I rejoice that at the service we got to be the Body and care for each other. People were in a place to be real, share their hurts and fears. They didn’t have to be strong, rather they allowed us to share in their suffering. They trusted us. And TOGETHER we approached God and asked for His mercy and grace.
Lord, find me faithful.
The Never-Ending Plan
I have been in Spring Arbor for almost two weeks now. It’s really easy to get into a routine. Wake up at 6:30am read and pray and have breakfast, be at work by 8am, lunch break at 1pm, off of work at 5pm, go to the gym, go home, eat at 6pm, do something read/talk on the phone/watch tv, prepare lunch for the next day, and sleep around 10:30pm. Every day. It’s like I’m waiting for time to go by. To go to Winona Lake for the weekend, then to Chicago for 10 days, then school starts, then fall break, then thanksgiving, then christmas, then….etc. I’m always looking for the next thing. I always have “the plan” in mind. It’s like I don’t live in the present. I’m in this waiting state of passing time in order to do the next thing on the list. Even down to the hour, the minute. And once I get to the next thing on the list, I’m back to looking for the thing after that.
Am I just wired this way?
Can I change?
Do I need to?
Most days it’s just how I function. It’s me. But on other ones, rainy, boring, mellow ones….I wonder.
I think that is how I come to God. With a plan.
I struggle to just be in His presence, to linger.
It’s hard to face the silence, the unknown.
At least you know what to do when there’s a plan…
Gratitude
I don’t know how to explain it, but I keep getting this feeling 
.
Having the team here and just by being in Greece with so many different people (family 
, old friends, church members old and new, Mary, Megan, Dewey, Dan) for such a short time makes me appreciate them individually SO much! I am overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude! AAH! It’s so beautiful! Think about it. Each one of us comes from a different place, we are headed down different paths with schooling, marriage, families, God’s calling upon our lives…etc. And for right now, summer of 2009, the month of July, we get to all be in the same place, in Greece. I get to be a small part of their journey in life, of their quest to know God and live in Him. AAAH! It’s crazy! The team left. I don’t know when I’ll see those people again. But I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the short amount of time I got to live life with them!!
I wish you could feel it too. It brings me such joy and it gives me so much LOVE!! Shoot! Life is so short! Our time with those in our lives SO short! Please don’t let another day go by, love them! And make them feel loved. Serve them and cherish them.
AAAH! Thank you Lord, for this precious time with them all. Thank You!
Remember Him
I realized that I have been ignoring God.
Not intentionally.
I’m not angry.
I just go through my day.
I forget.
How sad.
It makes me sad.
This whole week, daily I’ve been talking to people about God.
But I have not spoken much to God.
I’m really sorry.
It has been an interesting week.
Every evening we’ve gone to a park to play with kids. If I could share with you a secret….I would tell you that I don’t really like kids. They show me our true sinful nature: selfish, greedy, needy, mean. I don’t like seeing it. And they require so much attention. They take so much and give little back. They show me how selfish I am…sometimes I think they are a waste of time.
So it has been rather interesting. I’ve played games with them every day this week…sometimes I’ve enjoyed it and others not so much. The kids LOVE it though. It’s definitely been one of those things you do without waiting to feel good about it, but you do in order to be faithful to God and the kids. I don’t know what I’ve learned. But I actually always look forward to doing it. It’s been good to see others get involved and play. And good to see all the kids playing together.
I wonder if things would had been different if I didn’t forget God; if I spoke with Him before, during, and after the games and programs; if I included Him in my thoughts; if in my heart I wished those kids the best; if I prayed over their lives.
When it got closer to gettting dark we went down by the waterfront. We made free coffee and sought out conversation. Each night has been different. I’ve met a Polish woman, Anna, who came by every night. We sat together and in broken Greek tried to share things from our lives. And an elderly couple…i spoke with Stella. Last night I met a group of 5 seventeen-year-olds, they were so energetic. There is such a wide variety: young, old, greek and non, men, and women. I love meeting new people and sharing with them. Some are questioning God’s existence when faced with modern day scientific explanations, while others are finding salvation through their religious deeds. I find myself unable to answer any of them. I understand why Jesus tells us to love. I see how it surpasses any explanation… I just wish I had all the time in the world to show them how much I love them, because of Christ.
